Parenting, Vodka, and Life in General
Oh, New Jersey. What are we going to do with you? Only in New Jersey would a mother compare a trip to the tanning salon with "taking your daughter to go food shopping." Patricia Krentcil was charged last week with child endangerment when her five year old went to school with a sunburn and claimed she went "tanning with Mommy". As you can see, Mommy loves to tan. The local news … [Read more...]
It starts innocently enough. Blake's in bed... I may or may not have poured myself a vodka and soda before flipping on the TV... And, of course, I only watch one of two shows: Dateline or Hoarders... Because I'm a sadomasochistic. And if I'm not worrying about someone breaking into the house and killing me, I'm having a panic attack over the clutter in a random stranger's … [Read more...]
Apparently, the world stops when Mommy gets sick. When I ventured out of my cave bedroom on Tuesday morning after three days of hiding, what I came upon was a nightmare. And that's just one bathroom. Dishes. Toys. And laundry. Oh... the piles of laundry! It was straight out of a Hoarders episode, y'all. The scene became more grim as I entered the kitchen but the most my bronchitis and … [Read more...]
Dear Victoria Beckham, Back in the late nineties, I was socially awkward, dating a giant idiot and working at Best Buy. In the music department, to be exact. And when I first saw the cover of The Spice Girl's first album (which sold hand over fist and I never could understand that because seriously. You all suck at singing.) I immediately thought two things: Who are these dumb whores … [Read more...]
Mom of a monster. Wife of a hot rodder. One half of One Martini at a Time. I don't look at the glass as half empty; I look at it as, "OMG! I'm almost out of vodka!" More Awesomeness...
