His back was hairy, his skin wrinkled and eyes squinted almost shut. I was laying on the Transformers-like delivery bed (seriously... the way the bottom of it folds down and the stirrups come out...) and looking to the right at my newborn son, "Boy A". We didn't officially have a name for him yet, so he was "Boy A" for the first couple hours of his life. We had a few names in mind, but after a … [Read more...]
Oct
27
Dirty Thirty: Part V (A Good Day in LA)
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I told the doctor I was going to have him quickly. My mom had me in two hours and my brother in one. Her doctor told her that if she got pregnant again, she'd better live in a Winnebago in the hospital parking lot. When I told my doctor this, she wasn't impressed. Maybe it wasn't that, actually; it was more along the lines of disbelief. Women NEVER have their first baby that quickly. Never ever … [Read more...]
Oct
26
Dirty Thirty: Part IV (I’ll Punch You in The Mouth)
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I was totally paranoid of my water breaking in public. I could picture the scenario in my head: I'm walking in the mall when I feel something. What is that? I look down to find my stretchy pants soaking up amniotic fluid. Strangers are staring at me ("Look! The pregnant woman peed her pants!") as I try to run to the parking lot, but I can't run because I'm the size of a VW Bug. The ambulance … [Read more...]
Oct
25
Dirty Thirty: Part III (Alligator Rolls and Stretchy Pants)
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"Stewie" awoke from his slumber every night at the same time - 8pm. Ken and I would be watching TV (he on the love seat and me sprawled out on the couch like a fat whale) when my stomach would start moving. It started out as kicks. Sometimes punches. Then he would get a foot up under my rib and wiggle it around, only to stop that and start his alligator rolling (You've seen that on Animal … [Read more...]
