By now, every parent has heard of Go The F*ck To Sleep.
What you haven’t heard is my version, Wake The F*ck Up, which I wrote especially for Ken (who loves to wake up 10 minutes before we have to leave the house).
The pancakes I made have already been eaten,
The coffee? I’m on my fifth cup.
The sun is shining and it’s a new day,
And you, honey, need to wake the f*ck up.
The neighbor’s dog was barking at three,
And your child’s been up since seven.
I’ve already done four loads of laundry,
Wake the f*ck up! It’s almost eleven!!
You can’t lay in bed all day, my dear,
It’s time to wake up and join the rat race.
My patience is running thinner and thinner,
Seriously. You need to wake the f*ck up before I stab you in the face.
That’s right – I’m making all the noise I can,
I’m getting pissed off, and that’s a fact.
OH HELL NO you didn’t turn that light back off!
Wake the f*ck up or you’re getting smacked!
I don’t want to hear your bitching and moaning,
And I don’t want to deal with a grump.
Oh! How nice to see you out of bed, honey!
I’m glad you decided to wake the f*ck up!
Drinking this Red White and Blue Vojito makes marriage and parenting fun! Check it out.
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