By now, every parent has heard of Go The F*ck To Sleep.
What you haven’t heard is my version, Wake The F*ck Up, which I wrote especially for Ken (who loves to wake up 10 minutes before we have to leave the house).
***
The pancakes I made have already been eaten,
The coffee? I’m on my fifth cup.
The sun is shining and it’s a new day,
And you, honey, need to wake the f*ck up.
The neighbor’s dog was barking at three,
And your child’s been up since seven.
I’ve already done four loads of laundry,
Wake the f*ck up! It’s almost eleven!!
You can’t lay in bed all day, my dear,
It’s time to wake up and join the rat race.
My patience is running thinner and thinner,
Seriously. You need to wake the f*ck up before I stab you in the face.
That’s right – I’m making all the noise I can,
I’m getting pissed off, and that’s a fact.
OH HELL NO you didn’t turn that light back off!
Wake the f*ck up or you’re getting smacked!
I don’t want to hear your bitching and moaning,
And I don’t want to deal with a grump.
Oh! How nice to see you out of bed, honey!
I’m glad you decided to wake the f*ck up!
***
Drinking this Red White and Blue Vojito makes marriage and parenting fun! Check it out.
PS Vote for me on Yeah Write!
HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Brilliant, Carri. Brilliant. Do you hear me applauding over here?
Hehehe.
Feck, I love poetry.
freaking hilarious!!!
This? Is hilariously brilliant.
That is fantastic. Am going to share with all my friends right now.
You win the prize, Carrie — Best damn poem. I raise my mo-f*king-jito to you!
I need an illustrator! haha
yes! why do they get away with it???? so annoying
Hahahahahaha!!!! Good laugh for me on a f*cking Sunday night!
You wasted that on a blog post when you TOTALLY could have had that published.
Awesomesauce.
Dude. Sofa king awesome!
My husband could read this to me on the weekends…it’s only fair
Fabulous. Although, I do admit, I am utterly jealous of my husbands ability to be oblivious. It’s in their DNA.
I think John will be reading this to me in the mornings.
Your pool of talent is endless…and you need to draw pictures and make this into a book. Vagina!
Vagina!
I have to switch roles. I’m the late sleeper, my hubs is the early riser.
Next time, you should’ve published on Amazon instead of a post here
Brilliant (be sure to enter that into YeahWrite.me tomorrow morning!)
Also, its time for you to get an award (not as much for your awesome new look, but just for being you) (or..tag you’re it)
http://itsmynd.com/2012/06/very-klever-he-kackled.html
WG
I never get there in time!
Ansolute genius. I read it with Zoe voice (like from the Siri commercials). I don’t know why. I have issues.
I love it! Brilliant. Now – I’m going to grab a quick nap
Very funny. What did Ken think of your poem?
Book deal, book deal, you need a book deal! Seriously, I love this.
This. Is. Awesome! You should publish this, I would totally buy it for Husband.
YOU DA BOMB GIRL!!!!!!!
So funny! I am cracking up! Love it!
Bahahahahaha. My husband both alternate between who sleeps in. But you can tell when you wake up that your partner was totally thinking…oh God please just wake the fuck up!!! lol.
Hahahah love it! I bet some adults could benefit from that too…
Ha! This was not written for a teenager; Ken is my HUSBAND! LOL
Whoops, that was supposed to say “i know some adults….”! You should self publish
HA! This is great. I use the make all the noise you can trick , too.
I also like telling my 3yo to go in and jump on Daddy. He LOVES THAT.
BAHAHAHA! This is fantastical. Thanks for the laugh. I needed it.
This is probably what my BF thinks every weekend. We have a standing joke because I get up to wish him “a good day” every morning and then go back to bed. Some days I wish he would brush his teeth faster, so I don’t have to wait so long..
Well said. Funny too. erin
There is nothing more to say than the obvious.
SOFA KING FUNNY
SOFA KING
OMG! I need to print this and frame it on my husband’s side of the bed. This. is. AMAZING!!! LMAO
That is fucking hilarious. You definitely have my vote!
Fuck yeah! Thanks!
Excellent!!
A lovely refrain and response to the book Go the Fuck to Sleep!! 
I guess it’s been a long time since I’ve visited. Did you totally revamp your blog, change your name, and get a new style? Or do you have the other one still?
I love this design here. Would you be willing to share your designer with me
Or did you do this yourself? From the little I know of you I just feel this is so you! I love the colors.
I DID change my name, revamp and everything! Angie at Stros Girl Designs did it! Way down at the bottom of my blog, you will see her link.
Does this come in a poster? I would like to hang in on my teens’ bedroom walls.
Yes but your husband is v. handsome whilst sleeping! (-:
OMG. Did I just use the word “whilst?”
Jesus H. Christ.
OKAY, I was going to say the same thing!
I going to embroider this entire blog post on my husband’s pillow. LOVE IT!
haha!
There is a lot of men who fall alseep around you!
I must be incredibly boring! haha
Wait, are you married to MY husband??!?!?
My passive-aggressive noise skills are fantastic if you ever need new ideas.
I’m thisclose to hiring a marching band!
This was too funny! I think my husband would say it all about me though!
That was good. I have a Wake the F up at my house too. In all the decades we’ve been wed I’ve been up before him.
LMFAO!
brilliant, carri.
amen about all the shit we get done by 11!
xoxo
This is getting forwarded to my husband. Hysterical.
Men sleep anywhere anytime. They are strange creatures.
So brilliantly written, Carri! I hope you’re not as pissed as the post sounded
No way. I just like to put my husband on blast! haha
My dad will sleep ANYWHERE. When I catch him, I take a picture and post it on here. Search “Grandpa Dale” if you want proof that men can fall asleep anywhere.
HAHA! Yes! I hate when my husband sleeps in… And I’m so with you on slamming cabinets
“You need to wake the f*ck up before I stab you in the face.” Best line EVER.
I love, love, LOVE this. But please don’t tell my husband I said that.
Bwaaaahhhaaahhhaa! LOVE it!! Great post!
AWESOME!! BAHAHAHAHAA!!!!
Love it Carri! Killed myself laughing …
Funny! I get pissed off at my hubby for his ability to nod off anytime he’s hanging out ‘watching’ the kids… He claims he falls asleep when he’s not doing anything. Apparently he thinks supervising the kids is the same as doing nothing! Wake the F*ck Up!
Excellent! I don’t get work done in the morning if my husband gets up, so I need you to write me “Stay the F*ck asleep!”