Dear Victoria Beckham,
Back in the late nineties, I was socially awkward, dating a giant idiot and working at Best Buy.
In the music department, to be exact.
And when I first saw the cover of The Spice Girl’s first album (which sold hand over fist and I never could understand that because seriously. You all suck at singing.) I immediately thought two things: Who are these dumb whores girls? and Why is that one so cranky?
(I may have also thought, When are they going the fack away? but that’s besides the point.)
Here it is, over ten years later, and I still have the same questions.
This is the thing, Victoria: I’m sofa king sick and tired of your stupid face.
When The Spice Girls took over the airwaves with hands down the worst song to ever be written before spontaneously combusting into obscurity, I thought FOR SURE we’d never hear of you again.
But nope. You’ve done everything from take down one of my favorite jean brands (I mean, really. Who’s going to buy $400 jeans with crystal crowns on the back pockets?!) to design a “Victoria Beckham Edition” Range Rover.
Really?!
You’re not in England anymore, cupcake.
Nobody in America gives a crap about you. Your husband? We all want to rape. But you? We’d love for you to GTFO.
Furthermore, nobody in America gives a crap about soccer. Or football. Or whatever the fack you all call it.
So, please. Pack your junk and fly your sour puss anorexic awful haircut self back to England. Just leave your husband here. We’re not done with him.
THROAT PUNCH/TACO CHOP FOR YOU!
Hahahahaha!! Yes, she should take her skinny ass back to England.
I have to say, I think her husband is a muppet. Have you ever heard him speak? Even his accent can’t save him.
Who says I want him to talk?
A little piece of my brain committed suicide when I heard about her latest “design” venture. Ugh.
Is that the new Range Rover? I saw it the other day and I was really upset because it’s SMALL. Range Rovers aren’t supposed to be SMALL. They’re RANGE ROVERS.
Why, David Beckham, why??
He must like talentless and drab sticks.
Maybe she should get in that car and drive herself to England.
Straight into the Atlantic.
Your husband? We all want to rape. – BEST LINE EVER!!!
As a brit I don’t mind the Beckhams, hated the spice girls though. Although saying that when they lived over here they used to really get on my nerves.
I feel the ocean that separates us is good!!
I just hate the whole “The Beckhams are American Royalty”! First… they aren’t American. And second, they aren’t royalty!
And Victoria really needs to pull that stick out of her rear.
Bwahahaha! I’m laughing at: who says I want him to talk.
Hmmmm, David Beckham, I can say that name all day.
You can’t drive across the ocean… You’d drown. OH, I see what’s you did there.
WG
http://itsmynd.com
She is just NOT natural. Have you ever seen he stand in a normal position? NO! (just evidenced by the 2 pics you used..) I bet she was up in the corner of the ceiling when she spewed out the spawns – plus they are bffs with the whole Cruise crew.. They make me wish the world was flat
Ok, well I can moderately stand her in like super mini doses. Is it me or does her pose next to that Range Rover look awkward with the position of the side mirror? She’s definitely got that holier than thou super bitch look down pat or maybe that’s just her real self shining through.