I just read an article on Yahoo! Health that made my blood boil.
Maybe it was the verbiage.
“… potential risks for her newborn…”
Maybe it was the fact that it’s incredibly one sided.
“… not engaging in this behavior as often as we would like to see…”
Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve LIVED though this, while the author of this article has clearly not.
I try to stay neutral when it comes to controversial topics such as breastfeeding because I think a mother should be able to do what’s best for her family without being judged.
I’m an advocate of breastfeeding, but I’m a stronger advocate of mental health awareness.
And I’m so, so angry right now because someone I’ve never met – someone who has never heard my story or seen my face – is judging my decision to stop breastfeeding.
And to that I say, “F*CK YOU”.
I’m not someone who’s easily offended and I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion, even the opinions I don’t agree with. That’s what makes this world go around.
But to anyone and everyone who has ever judged a mother for putting a bottle in her baby’s mouth? Shame on you.
When Blake was four weeks old, I had some very important decisions to make.
Do I start back on medication? Or do I continue down this slippery slope?
Do I go see my doctor right away? Or do I stay on this path of self destruction?
Do I get the help I need? Or do I jump off the freeway over pass?
I didn’t stop breastfeeding because I was tired. Or because of vanity. Or because I just didn’t want to deal with it.
I stopped because my life – and the life of my family – depended on it.
And if I didn’t stop? I wouldn’t be here today.
We will NEVER see the end of mental illness stigmas if we continue to treat each other this way.
THINK before judging a mother’s decision to breastfeed (or not).
Fuck the person who wrote that article. People act like giving your baby formula is like giving them anthrax laced rat poison. And good for you for making the decision to be healthy for your baby!
Agree….You did exactly what you had to do and no one has the right to judge….
Exactly. You speak in a voice of lots of moms who have made a choice to stop. I stopped. I have my reasons. I answer to no one but my family and those judging moms can take a flying leap. Thank you for writing this. Thank you from me and so many others.
I had to give up breast feeding because it DID NOT work. Not with three lactation consultants. I was miserable. There were complications at her birth and things just never worked right. I cried every day, sometimes for hours. Finally one of them said–just enjoy your child stop being miserable, you’ve done your best. And such relief.
I wish all the other judgers had been so kind. But they weren’t.
Good for you.
Me too! I saw a couple of specialists… I would cry because it hurt so bad. My toes would curl. One of the “specialists” told me he was feeding correctly, and I said, “THEN WHY DOES IT HURT SO &*(%#ING BAD?” and she didn’t have an answer. I woke up with a bra full of blood, and that’s when I decided I couldn’t do it anymore. Between the PPD and the pain, I was miserable. Thank you for sharing your story.
We all have our reasons. Reasons to continue or reasons to stop or reasons to not nurse at all. But those are our reasons, and not for anyone to judge. We’re women and mothers. We should be supporting each other rather than tearing another one apart. It hurts.
Thank you for this, dude. xo
Exactly! xo
You are so right. And unless a woman shares, we never know the reasons. And what she shares might not even be the actual reason. And guess what? It doesn’t matter.
I’m a huge breastfeeding advocate, but a healthy family is the end goal, and breastfeeding isn’t always the best path to that goal.
If you can breastfeed, more power to you. I wish I could have. Free food? Heck yeah! Formula was expensive! It just didn’t work for me.
Feeding your baby is what is important. Keeping your head on, literally, is equally important. End of story.
Ok, I have more.
I read a lot about breastfeeding – since I am doing it – and I find this judgment thing bizarro. If I want to breastfeed past a year, someone is going to think its wrong. If I want to breastfeed in public – holy smokes, its SO wrong! All the while everyone is saying that BREAST IS BEST.
If I don’t want to breastfeed at all – well, my baby is in Mortal Danger.
I wish everyone would just state the facts and then shut up about it either way. Leave the judgment out since you don’t know anyone else’s story outside of your own!! Mothers with PPD, or I dunno, CANCER, or lemme think, uncooperative boobs, or WHATEVER – its their business and if their baby is properly fed, then STFU.
Just EFF that noise, Carri.
EXACTLY. People need to just STFU.
Hear, hear, Carri. Every mother wants to do what’s best for their child and their family. And looking after you, the mother, is as important as nourishing that child. Good on you, and yes, f*ck them Judgey McJudgersons.
Another person that wants to buy one of my (not yet made) t-shirts… Mind Your Own Boobs.
I, obviously, totally agree with you Carri!
YES! Mind your own boobs.
Breastfeed, as I believe, is best for babies up to two years and it has a lot of benefits for you and for the baby too…
Amen! If people could just agree to disagree or j business.ust stay out of other people’s business…
I was amazed by the judgment I faced when I stopped breastfeeding my son. He was severely allergic to the breastmilk and had actually hit the point of malnutrition. I switched to prescription formula, and I was amazed by the things people would say. I was lucky enough that I could respond with “Breastfeeding would kill him. Don’t think you know best.” I really hoped that I could get people to realize they do not have enough information to judge.
This is exactly what happened to me. My baby weighed only 10 lbs at 6 months because I insisted on breastfeeding him so long. He was starving to death. Once I quit and switched him to Progestimil formula, he gained tons of weight and has been completely healthy ever since. People should shut their damn mouths.
How sad for you and your son. Nobody deserves to be judged because of medical reasons. Thank you for sharing your story.
i love your comeback to their comments!
Yes! Me too babe. Me too.
All I can say to this post that hasn’t been said is – word. Seriously, people are so very judgy and it’s sad. Truly sad. You put your family first and that’s what matters. It’s what should matter.
Word.
This topic is so touchy. I get filled with all these negative feelings when I hear it because I’m reminded of all the people that put me down and called me a bad Mom. I wasn’t able to breast feed. I tried and tried but I my nipples don’t function correctly. I felt like a bad Mom and it didn’t help to have those women out there putting me down because I couldn’t physically do it. Telling me I didn’t love my baby and I didn’t want what’s best for my child. I did then and I do now love my children so much and I had the same closeness with my child during feeding time. I still held them close to my chest and looked into their eyes as they fed from the bottle. I wish people would realized that it’s something every woman has to decide on for themselves.
People told you that you didn’t love your baby? They can go to hell.
I had to fully wean Klaw when he was 6 weeks old. I had planned to breastfeed for at least a year. My boobs worked fine. I had plenty of milk to spare.
Klaw’s disorder literally made breastmilk dangerous. His bloodwork didn’t approach normal until after he was fully weaned.
My kid could have died without the prescription formula he needed (and still needs). Yet, I still suffered pangs of guilt & shame every single damn time I had to feed him a bottle. I felt like people were judging me. The reality is probably not as bad as I imagined postpartum, but my feelings were genuine. The tears I cried about what i felt was my inability to feed my child were real.
New parent rule #1 – Feed Your Baby
Yes, I absolutely believe breast milk should be the default but formula is not poison. I consider the mother’s mental health a very valid reason to wean. Breastmilk won’t do a baby much good if his mom isn’t around to provide it. People who are too insensitive to sympathize with someone who has battled severe depression can choke on it.
Looking at him, nobody would know. They have no right to judge you or anyone else.
I completely agree. If it were not for other options two of my babies would not be alive. Sometimes it just cannot happen. I’ve been judged for this too so I totally get it. You sing it sister!!!
I’m convinced I wouldn’t be alive. How fair would that be to my son? Good for you for doing what you need to do.
You stopped breastfeeding so you could take the medicine you needed to stay around, to e present in your son’s life. That? Makes you a good mom.
Thank you. How disgusting that so many people think otherwise!
Everyone should do what is best for them and their families. There should be no judgements. What works for one person does not always work for another and a the end of the day we are all still people and we deserve the right to make our choices.
Oh my… how I get this: “I didn’t stop breastfeeding because I was tired. Or because of vanity. Or because I just didn’t want to deal with it. I stopped because my life – and the life of my family – depended on it.”
I do not offend easily either, nor do I give a shit what other people think or say, but I bought into… breast-feed only or your baby will suffer from it for all of eternity!
I would finish feeding her and in no time she was wanting more… she was hungry ALL OF THE TIME… I felt like all I did was breastfeed… it wasn’t until I ended up in the fetal position on the bathroom floor crying and wanting to die did I realize that things had to change. She got the bottle and loved it. It wasn’t until then that I realized why she cried so much and why I breastfeed all the time… she was hungry (it still makes me cry thinking about her being hungry). I finally sought help for PPD.
YEP! Blake took the bottle and didn’t even care. He was just hungry and he didn’t care where it came from. My husband was able to feed him and feel that closeness, and I was able to get the help I needed so badly. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you. Thank you for being one of the few mothers I’ve heard of that isn’t condemning other moms for their feeding choices. I received a lot of flack with my boys every time I went out with them and a bottle in tow. I breastfed as long as my body allowed. I had a radical breast reduction in 2006, not for vanity but to preserve my health. It was miraculous that I could breast feed at all. And though I tried every supplament known to aid in milk production, after a few months my body couldn’t keep up. And the fact that I was considered a maternal failure for bottle feeding didn’t help with the postpartum depression. It just made me feel like a failure.
I advocate that mothers (and fathers, and any caregiver) just feed the baby. If you can breastfeed, good for you. If you can bottlefeed, good for you.
I felt the same way. They make you feel terrible. I did pump for a few weeks but it just got to the point where I couldn’t do it anymore. Thank you for sharing your story. I truly believe we should continue to share our stories so new mothers know it’s okay to take care of themselves, too.
I wish I could “super like” this post. Not that I am a mother – but I’ve been trying and struggling have had to keep juggling fertility medication over anxiety disorder and that’s terrifying enough and gets me a lot of attitude from people. I know already – and am paranoid already – about how this is going to escalate if I ever do fall pregnant, and have to face the breastfeeding issue. You hear a lot about how breast-friendly hospitals are – I even see billboards advertising that sort of thing. But no one ever cares about the best interests of the mother, and what she needs to do to best help herself look after her baby.
You are SO RIGHT. I told my doctor I would have PPD. I even told a doctor at the hospital that I didn’t want to leave without a prescription for Paxil (what I was taking at the time). They didn’t give two shits. They sent a lactation specialist in the room and I even saw one when Blake was three days old. I feel like my doctors failed me.
Amen.
I had to stop too and you know what? My son is formula fed and he is the most amazing kid you’ll ever meet.
I was formula fed and I’m awesome.
So na na na na boo boo stick your head in doo doo.
Breastfeeing maybe what is best…but it’s not always best for the parent/situation.
It doesn’t matter how your baby gets fed. What matters is that they are loved.
Of course you’re awesome! DUH. And awesome broads have awesome kids. The end. xo
Wow, that hit close to home. AFTER I had Noah I was diagnosed with all my shit and I was told I could stay medicated while pregnant but NOT while breastfeeding – which I really, really enjoyed. My postpartum depression was so bad it was a major reason in why I had no more children. I watched my girlfriend spiral down while she breastfed, and begged her to stop. One night she stood in the living room in the midst of a panic attack, feeling like she might die, and at that moment she knew she had to take care of HER or she could never take care of HIM. Yes, breastfeeding is wonderful and amazing and beautiful, but NOT at the risk of the mother. How dare that person judge. Until you walk in our shoes…
I feel you, Kim. I can’t think about having another baby because I just can’t handle it mentally. And your friend… OMG I’ve been there. I had Blake on a Tuesday and by Saturday, I was having my first of many anxiety attacks. By the time Blake was two weeks old, I seriously thought about whether I wanted to even live anymore. I felt like a failure. I’m so glad you and your friend got help. It’s just not worth the risk.
I had depression for a year and I used this kind of depressant that makes me feel well…
true. i will add, just as an fyi, that depending on the anti-depressant, you can take it while preggers and nursing. it really depends. good for you!
The medication I was on at the time couldn’t be taken while pregnant. I wish I could have taken them.
Agree! Although breastfeeding is still best for babies but if its for the sake of your family that you stopped its a good choice.
this so nice article. every mother related in this article…thanks that you sheared this.. you have a great job…
Great point! I totally agree with you.. I can really relate with you.. I never experiences breastfeeding for my baby because I have a very controversial reason.. We have our own reasons they should respect it too..
Exactly. We should all just support each other without trying to tear each other down.
Well said! I had to stop at 4 weeks after my son was born too because I was manic beyond control and had to be involuntarily committed to get me to take medication (which I so desperately needed). I get so incredibly upset when I read all the literature out there about “breast is best” because it is not always the best for every mother. Each woman should be able to make that decision for herself, without feeling bad or guilty with whatever choice she makes whether it’s preference or because of medications.
Wow. Thank you for sharing your story. I voluntarily got help because I have a history of anxiety and depression. I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I can see how someone who doesn’t have a history would not realize what was happening until they are so far gone.
i’m not a mom but i totally agree with you. i think it’s a personal decision that should be left up to the mother. it’s nobody else’s business whether or not she’s breastfeeding and why. i don’t understand people who are judgmental about it. they must think that they’re perfect and if someone isn’t exactly like them then that person is a horrible mother. WTF. i’m bipolar and if i ever have kids, i probably won’t breastfeed because i need to be on my meds. if other people can’t understand that then that’s THEIR problem, not mine.
Exactly! My mom has bipolar disorder and I swear not a day goes by that I don’t wish she’d take meds. Kudos to you.
kudos to you for speaking out about this topic!
Bravo for writing this and for advocating for women who feel bullied because they couldn’t or didn’t breast feed. I had to stop breast feeding because of problems with my daughters pallet and she couldn’t latch. I took a lot of grief because of it.
You’re a great mom. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. xo
I do breastfeed which is why it always surprises those morons when I rip them a new one for their judgment. Assholes. A good mom is one who takes care of her family, whatever that means. Good on you Carri
I have 2 children I breastfed 1 & not the other, I don’t judge people for their choices at all, we all do what is best for our family. I got a much more negative response from breastfeeding my second than I imagined! Some people are just so rude!
Carri – thank you for posting this. I advocate breastfeeding, I absolutely do. I say KUDOS to the moms that can do it until like the age of 6 (OK, that’s a little much actually IMO…but you know what I mean)…and I am one of those mothers who did want to BF and did so for the first 5-6 weeks of each of my boy’s lives. I too stopped for similar reasons…and some may see those reasons as a personality flaw, but I can’t listen to that. I made my choices…I had my boys’ best interests in mind each time…and today I have two beautiful boys with perfect bills of health. Even knowing I didn’t make it long with my first, I still attempted with my 2nd to see if I could do it…got the expensive pump and all. But I’m with you on this. http://www.justhadabrightidea.blogspot.com
I rented a pump for a few weeks and still couldn’t do it. We just have to do what’s best for ourselves and our families!
Sorry, the above post auto-entered the wrong info for me! http://www.justhadabrightidea.blogspot.com
I have been there too. I literally could not care less what judge-y moms or bf advocates think about me. But I do care about the moms who let that judgement affect them and hurt them and even push them toward self destruction. It’s hard to do what is best for yourself and ultimately your kids, esp for a new mom in a fragile mental state. I wish we could destroy the stigma around mental illness as well as other choices we moms must make.