Happy Thursday, party people!
It’s been way too long since I’ve done my last Throat Punch Thursday and I have to admit that I really miss it.
I’ve been busy trying to be a real writer and shiz even though we all know I can’t turn off Twitter long enough to put out something worth reading.
Anywhoo… remember when I handed out a Throat Punch to Doug Hutchison, the 51 year old dirty pervert who married a 16 year old baby stripper?
(And by the way… sixteen? In what, dog years? Because that bitch is ROUGH. Or should I say, “ruff”?)
Well guess what, you guys? I’m throwing another Throat Punch/Roundhouse Kick to the Surgically DE-hanced Face his way once again. And? She’s getting a Taco Chop for good measure.
It turns out that some dumbass thinks these two idiots need a reality show. Because how would you know if you’re really in love unless you do a reality show?
Baby Stripper proclaims that “it’s going to be a reality show like no other”, and she’s right. I mean, what other reality show has given us a front row seat to statutory rape?
The best (worst?) part about this batshittery is the fact that Baby Stripper’s mother has weaseled her way into the role of “mom-ager”. When asked which mother in Hollywood she looks up to, Mommy Stripper answered, “Dina Lohan.”
Of course she did.
What do you expect from a mother that allowed her not-yet-legal “Christian” daughter marry a dirty birdie whose claim to fame is playing the part of a nasty hippie?
Don’t be like, “But Carri! He was on LOST!” because I watched that show RELIGIOUSLY. Religiously as in “drug my butt into work half dead on Friday mornings because I was up until 11pm” religiously.
And I had no idea who the fack that dude was until he married a 16 year old (in dog years) Baby Stripper.
So, I don’t know, you guys. I really don’t have anything else to say about this because it really doesn’t need explaining.
You, Dirty Pervert, are getting a giant THROAT PUNCH to the shriveled up junk.
And you, Baby Stripper? Are getting a TACO CHOP to the… Oh geez. I just vomed in my mouth.