Happy Thursday, party people!
It’s been way too long since I’ve done my last Throat Punch Thursday and I have to admit that I really miss it.
I’ve been busy trying to be a real writer and shiz even though we all know I can’t turn off Twitter long enough to put out something worth reading.
Anywhoo… remember when I handed out a Throat Punch to Doug Hutchison, the 51 year old dirty pervert who married a 16 year old baby stripper?
(And by the way… sixteen? In what, dog years? Because that bitch is ROUGH. Or should I say, “ruff”?)
That's not a 16 year old. THAT'S A STRIPPER.
Well guess what, you guys? I’m throwing another Throat Punch/Roundhouse Kick to the Surgically DE-hanced Face his way once again. And? She’s getting a Taco Chop for good measure.
It turns out that some dumbass thinks these two idiots need a reality show. Because how would you know if you’re really in love unless you do a reality show?
WTF is wrong with your face?
Baby Stripper proclaims that “it’s going to be a reality show like no other”, and she’s right. I mean, what other reality show has given us a front row seat to statutory rape?
The best (worst?) part about this batshittery is the fact that Baby Stripper’s mother has weaseled her way into the role of “mom-ager”. When asked which mother in Hollywood she looks up to, Mommy Stripper answered, “Dina Lohan.”
Of course she did.
Again, I ask: WTF is wrong with your face?
What do you expect from a mother that allowed her not-yet-legal “Christian” daughter marry a dirty birdie whose claim to fame is playing the part of a nasty hippie?
Don’t be like, “But Carri! He was on LOST!” because I watched that show RELIGIOUSLY. Religiously as in “drug my butt into work half dead on Friday mornings because I was up until 11pm” religiously.
And I had no idea who the fack that dude was until he married a 16 year old (in dog years) Baby Stripper.
So, I don’t know, you guys. I really don’t have anything else to say about this because it really doesn’t need explaining.
You, Dirty Pervert, are getting a giant THROAT PUNCH to the shriveled up junk.
And you, Baby Stripper? Are getting a TACO CHOP to the… Oh geez. I just vomed in my mouth.
Hahahahaha!! WTF is she doing with her face?? I know she’s supposedly 16 but she looks older than me! I thought plastic surgery was supposed to improve your looks, not make you worse. Missed your throat punches too!
I need to start Throat Punching again. It’s great therapy!
She seriously looks like she’s on ludes and has some cheek implants – she looks rough for 16..I don’t believe it either – I bet she’s in a porno somewhere…those faces don’t lie – double taco chop
I would have to agree. She looks CONSIDERABLY older than 16. In fact, the more I look at her… the more trouble I have believing she is. One can tell she has had work done, but c’mon… she looks like a professional porn star and a pretty good/experienced one at that. What kind of doctor (plastic surgeon) performs his craft on a still developing teenager?
It’s hard to believe that our society has fallen so low that we would celebrate/allow this by putting it on TV and then claiming it to be of human interest or “reality TV”. Pedophiles and child molesters will be dancing in the streets. Hmmmm… note to self, go buy ammo
P.S. So glad you’re back in the Throat Kick saddle. We missed you around these parts, while you were off on Tour! ;o)
Hey, remember when I had that allergic reaction & my whole face swelled? Yeah? Well, she looks like she had an allergic reaction to her cheek implants.
Who is this guy? Who the hell looks up to Dina Lohan?
Oh, right, Baby Stripper’s mom.
Oh, about Baby Stripper, the phrase “rode hard & put away wet” comes to mind…just sayin’…
I KNOW, right??
Wait… what are you talking about? She was a virgin when she got married! :-/
Really 16? If I were her, I’d be telling people I was 40 so that I wouldn’t get the jaw drop from everyone who sees her. I look GOOD next to her!
There are so many levels of wrong in this post that it has to be right. Ugh.
Looking up to Dina Lohan? I guess, if your goal is siphoning money from your daughter until she ends up a hot, several-times-rehabbed mess, and then moving on by taking your even-younger daughter to the same plastic surgeon. Then she’s a great role model.
I’ve watched some train wreck reality tv before, but even I draw the line at this.
Now I need to go take a shower to scrub their yuck from my brain
Isn’t that sad what they did to Ali Lohan? She looks like a freak now.
Who the heck looks up to Dina Freakin’ Lohan for ANYTHING?! That’s just stupid.
And there’s ANOTHER reality show that I so WON’T be watching. Who wants to watch a pedo and his “child bride” who looks like she’s 40 walk around in their disfunctional world?! How much ya wanna bet she speaks in that idiotic teeny bopper text-speak?! UGH! The very first time she says, “oh em gee” my head would explode.
PASS!
I gotta say that at 41 I’m feeling a bit better now at how I’ve kept it together. Might have thrown-up a bit when I first saw this story. Just a bit.
I threw up A LOT.
Yeah. 16 going on 62 + about 20 more ugly years. ( Sorry, was that harsh?)
Anyone who looks up to a Lohan needs to join them in rehab.
Btw, LOST was/is my favorite show ever and if that loser was cast for even a second I hope it was to be killed by the smoke monster.
Freaking losers.
He played the guy who was the leader of the Dharma Initiative in the 70s AND he’s Ethan’s dad. He wasn’t killed by the smoke monster but he did die during the purge.
There is NO way that girl is 16! I feel like I need to go take a shower now.
We all need showers and herpes vaccinations!
I just Lysoled my computer screen and said 10 hail Mary’s.
UGH! I’m in agreement with you about all this! That “girl” is a walking talking WTF and that “guy” just creeps the ever lovin you now what outta me. I may watch some questionable TV (Toddlers & Tiaras, Dance Moms…) BUT I would’t tune into their “reality” for a nano second much less the whole show. Who the heck needs to see that? No one, that’s who.
I can’t watch Toddlers & Tiaras because I end up yelling and throwing things at the TV. I’m sure I’d just jump off my balcony after watching this train wreck.
So good to read this! I say her parents should be arrested!
I know. Not only is the perv disgusting, but her parents are disgusting as well.
Wow! She looks like she’s on drugs. What is wrong with people?
Good God what a trainwreck. Unfortunately that’s what people watch.
She’s not 16 but she plays one on TV.
This story deserves the ultimate throat punch! (And I can’t stop laughing at the term Taco Chop. It makes me giggle.)
She can’t be 16. The more I think about it the more I think that she’s more like 65.
Why do people think this would be a good idea for a reality TV show? I have a feeling they might be getting some more throat punches.
Everyone is getting a throat punch and taco chop. EVERYONE.
OK, so let me get this straight: the fact that some genius TV executive thinks that there will be an audience for a reality show about a cradle (or is it grave?) robbing semi-popular actor and his 16 year-old bride to be actually surprises you? Have you not seen The Kardashians, Real Housewives, or (gulp) Ice Loves Coco? (and yes, I am admitting that I’ve watched a few minutes of each long enough to have no doubt that the world is going to end in 2012).
Give that man a raise and pass the Cymbalta!
Hugs
OK, so let me get this straight: the fact that some genius TV executive thinks that there will be an audience for a reality show about a cradle (or is it grave?) robbing semi-popular actor and his 16 year-old bride to be actually surprises you? Have you not seen The Kardashians, Real Housewives, or (gulp) Ice Loves Coco? (and yes, I am admitting that I’ve watched a few minutes of each long enough to have no doubt that the world is going to end in 2012).
Give that man a raise and pass the Cymbalta!!!
Hugs
I’m not saying I’m surprised. I’m just saying that I want to kick everyone involved in the balls.
There is no way that girl is 16. No way. I’m 20 years older than her and she looks older than me. So, either she’s older than 16 or she literally has been rode hard and put up wet.
Also? I’m simply amazed that ANYONE on this planet could possibly look up to Dina Lohan. Including her kids.
Also, also? That dude was on Lost? As WHO?
He was Ethan’s dad… hung out with Ben’s dad, long hair… Yeah. I had to Google it.
Can you say publicity stunt? These two have to have planned this all in an attempt to get a reality show…so of course they get one. And then there will be a bunch of morons who, in let’s say 3 months, suddenly make the revelation that HEY! She’s not really 16!…scandal ensues, more publicity, more money in the pocket of creepy orgasm face AND her slimy spouse. I just want to roundhouse kick her in the face.
Yeah, I’m just waiting for her birth certificate to come out, showing she’s really 85.
The ick factor on this one is off the charts!
Nah, I’m not buying it! No way is she 16….this was all a plot from the beginning to get them their own show.
I’m telling you! She’s 16… in dog years.
Oh sweet baby jeebus! The sight of these two makes me want to vomit. And seriously, WTF is up with her face. It looks like she has golf balls in her cheek bones on that last picture. Bitch, that ain’t natural!
Thank God you are still doing these! Who is he? Lost? Wha? You always make me laugh!
I think they’re so sweet together! I mean, how can you deny true love?
WTF is she doing with her face?? And she’s really only 16?? She looks older than me!! Great idea for a reality show, asshats.
Carri. How you do words the way you do? You my verbal vomit hero! xoxox
She looks old enough and rough enough to have been in pornos since a full bush was still in style.
MAN oh MAN! What is up with BOTH of their faces? That video totally looks like they are on something!
They may call it a reality show, but it is really going to be just a Freak Show!
Oh, this is awesome. Someone recently told me about this – I had no idea what she was referring to until I read this post.
If that girl is sixteen then so am I.
Ugh, who DOESN”T get a reality show nowadays!?!
Poor palsied girl. So creepy, the two of them.
I don’t understand how she is 16.
Did she start tanning at age 1?
She’s looks like one hurting unit.
And his face is rubber!!
Wasn’t he the douchebag in The Green Mile? He always gave me the creeps. This is just sick. I feel dirty.
Yes! He was in The Green Mile, except I watched that way back when it came out and don’t remember much about it.
What the heck is wrong with her face? That guy was creepy on Lost and he’s proving to be creepy in real life. Although, if they did this reality show I’d probably tune in at night while I was putting the rollers in my hair. Sad. Very, very sad.
Oh NaynaDub. What are we going to do with you?
LMFAO! I love you!! WTF!?!?!?! Seriously she is 16? She looks like a 50 year old woman with a lot of plastic surgery…I finally get cable back after almost a year and THIS is what I have to look forward to. ::eyeroll::