We couldn’t walk fast enough from the parking structure to the mall entrance.
He tugged on my hand, his little fingers curled around and squeezing my palm, as he excitedly squealed, “The park, Mommy! The park!”
A cool blast of air rushed past us as the sliding doors automatically opened, presenting the marble floors of the newly remodeled building. Just fifty feet inside, I could see that arriving before the stores opened was a good idea. In just thirty minutes, everyone from angsty teenagers to mothers with young children would be making their way inside for refuge from the warm summer day.
But for now, the mall and it’s indoor playground was empty.
Bright and colorful, the playground’s jungle decor boasts a lion, elephant and giraffe for climbing on, as well as a giant tree slide. The floors are spongy and a long bench wraps it’s way around the entire area. Just outside, there is an empty space for strollers and to the right is a large bathroom facility with toilets made for toddler sized bottoms.
Just past the playground is the coffee shop where I picked up a morning java and Blake an organic vanilla milk.
Blake kicked off his flip flops and took off running before I was able to take my seat. I watched him run around and around and quietly wondered how I could bottle up and sell that energy. He ran, jumped and climbed for about ten minutes before the playground slowly started to fill up with children.
A boy about Blake’s age also took off running before his mother could sit down and of course, Blake started to chase him. Although they were rambunctious, the two boys had a good time chasing and running about the playground.
I was sitting on the bench and enjoying my coffee when I saw Blake tear around a corner. In his way was a blonde boy around the same age and as Blake ran by, he bumped the boy in the shoulder.
It wasn’t intentional.
Blake continued to run after his rowdy sidekick without even a glance while the little blonde boy looked to his mom. Suddenly, he let out a wail. “Mommy! That boy HIT ME!!!”
” I saw that!” his mother said while scooping him up. “That was not nice!”
I sunk into my section of bench as the mother of the little blonde boy carried him off. Was she overreacting? In my opinion, yes.
But that was just the beginning.
Not five minutes later, another mom was consoling her two year old. From what I could hear, he was “hit” by that boy over there.
Blake.
I didn’t see it happen.
How was I supposed to discipline my child based on hearsay? I couldn’t.
Instead, I moved to a different bench in hopes of keeping a better eye on him. I followed up with a quick reminder: “Blake, we keep our hands to ourselves, okay?”
Blake was behind the giant tree slide when another mother scooped up her crying one year old. I had seen her earlier with him, following his every step with outstretched arms and blocking any child that came within feet of him.
I was watching Blake scramble under the tree slide when she asked me, “Is that your son?”
As I noticed the flat red spot on her son’s forehead, I sheepishly replied, “Yes.”
She was calm, but slightly annoyed. “He just hit my son in the face.”
Have you ever been so mortified that you wish time would stop just long enough for you to run away and hide?
Before I knew it, I was down on the floor with Blake, an irritated mother and a screaming baby. “Blake, that was not nice! Say you’re sorry! We do not hit people.”
He was staring at the floor when I heard his little voice peep, “I sowwwy.”
Now, it was time to go home. There would be no second chances; the next mother may not be as understanding. So, while every.single.parent within earshot of Blake’s screams watched me wrangle him out of the playground, onto the new tile and back through the doors, I swore to myself that I would not be going through that again.
***
My question to you is: Does your child have one place where he always misbehaves? How do you handle it? Do you consider Blake a bully, or just rambunctious?
When my son was 2-3, he would get a little crazy when we went to the zoo. This was also due to the fact that we went with another mom & her son and when they were together, they got a little wild. I soon instituted the “Hold Mommy’s Hand” policy. He was allowed to run and play, but if he got too far away, I called him back. If he didn’t come back immediately, he had to hold my hand for the next 5 minutes. For my kid, having to hold my hand while at the wide open zoo was torture. Any misbehaving… hand. Any throwing rocks, hitting, swinging sticks… hand. And each time, the 5 minutes would get a little longer. It really didn’t take him long to learn to avoid behaviors that resulted in him being stuck to me.
The transition from 1 year old “my baby doesn’t know any better when he steals a toy” to toddlerdom was REALLY hard. Now he’s 4, so he knows better. But those toddler years are HARD for discipline.
My thought: even though it’s a mistake when he runs into the other kid, have him come sit by you for a minute as a time out/chill out. Explain he needs to be more careful around the other kids, even though he didn’t do it on purpose. It may be well beyond his ability to really think that far in advance, but it’s the beginning. Also, a brief chill out and he gets to go back and play as opposed to waiting until you have to drag him screaming from the area.
I think at his age, he’s just rambunctious. It doesn’t sound malicious or bullying to me. He wasn’t fighting over a toy or a slide with another kid right?
Today, at an indoor play gym, Monkey was in the ball pit with two other toddlers, around the same age. They were playing happily when I saw Monkey hit a little blond boy on the top of his head. From where I was sitting, he did look like he was hitting the boy on the head, much like you would a drum. I was mortified and went straight over, said sternly to him, We do not hit people, understand? He got upset with me for his telling off.
The little blond boy? Was smiling the whole time. He just though my son was being friendly. I guess I did overreact. Towards my own child.
As long as I’m not the only mom out there with a crazy kid. It’s just so embarrassing because that’s not Blake. He’s not a mean kid. He just gets way too wild. My brother was the same way.
I think he was just being a little boy. Sure they run around and are rambunctious, so of course accidents happen. I never get upset at that unless it is clearly intentional, which in Blake’s case wasn’t.
#StupidParkMoms
Another reason we should all live closer to each other!
Stupid park moms.
I’m never leaving Ventura County. You’ll have to come here.
I agree that it was just rambunctious. My three year old plays really rough with other kids. Its partly our own fault since thats how my husband plays with him. So when we go to the park he always has a hard time.
I make him sit next to me when he hits and he isnt allowed to play for 2 minutes. It typically works, and now that he is in soccer practice things are getting a bit easier. Its just stressful and embarrassing sometimes being the mom that has the most rambunctious kid out there but its definitely getting a bit better.
Blake has always had more energy than other kids. The two minute rule is a good one. I’ll have to try that.
I agree; he’s just being a boy! I really think boys get all excited and so worked up that they don’t think that they are being a little rough. They are just having fun!
I really think there is such a pressure to have a well behaved child and when your child does have “a moment”, the stink eye is thrown your way and you feel the need to run and hide. I’m sure those other mothers have had the same moment you experienced and they really should have been more understanding. I know I would have been!
Yeah, I’m more understanding that that but mostly because I know how it is. Blake isn’t a mean kid. He’s full of energy. That doesn’t make it ok to mow over or hit other kids but I know he doesn’t do it to hurt them.
Don’t you just hate it when that happens?
It’s so hard trying to discipline your children when you’re in a situation where you’re kinda being judged as a mother.
All my children (one boy, two girls) are, well let’s call them lively.
So I totally get this.
I try to prepare myself for situations, I come up with a strategy in my head,
prepare the children by laying out the rules (and consequences) beforehand.
And when the situation occurs it’s more easy to stay calm even though you’re
totally ashamed.
I usually take them out of the situation and have them sit by me for a while.
It’s not fun watching others play. If it happens too often, then I go home.
And I keep doing that till they get it.
Good luck!
My dad told me to let him know before going there that these are the rules. If you don’t follow the rules, these are the consequences. It typically works well but there is something about this play ground that makes him go crazy!
I definitely agree with everyone above when they said that Blake wasn’t intentionally being mean. And the transition from baby to being held accountable for behavior is a tough one… maybe for the kids as much as it is for US doing the disciplining!
Ya know… I have this huge backyard…. 
Having a chill out time for being so wild that accidental bumps into other people happen is a good idea. While he might not LIKE it, he WILL eventually learn to reign the wildness in (a little bit! We’re not talking about trying to completely squash the fun out him!) The key to ALL of it is consistency. Keep the line (wherever you choose to draw it) in the same place… ALL the time. It can be exhausting. If you’re too wiped to stay on top of it on any given day… skipping the park is a good idea. I did that plenty of times… “Mama’s too tired to keep an eye on your 100% of the time, we’re stayin’ home!” I know that you guys wanna get out of the house and have some time to burn off energy. I think you were on the right track to be the first ones at the mall before stores opened. Sometimes, it just works out better to have fewer people around… it’s less tiring for MOM anyway!
You’re a great Mom. Don’t let over-reacting park Moms make you feel any different. Some people are just hover-ers! We can’t save our little people from EVERY bump and bruise. Blake may have conked a kid or two… but that doesn’t make him a bully. He’s still a little dude… still learning. Any Mom with half a brain would cut him slack for THAT alone. I’d cut the Mom of the 1 year old some slack… since we’d probably be more worried about a bigger kid conking our 1 yr old right? She might only have that one kid… and she might not have learned to chillax over stuff. That’s on her. Not on YOU.
No blood… no huge marks… it’s all good. ACCIDENTS happen… especially at the park!!!
and Kimberly’s right… we should all live closer.
You know I’m not leaving VC ever again! haha
I wouldn’t consider Blake a bully. I think of bullies more as targeting children and being maliciously sneaky and mean.
I think he’s just excited to play and gets carried away. I like the suggestions to have him sit with you in time-out for a minute or two so he can calm down a little and maybe understand that he needs to be more careful when he’s playing.
That’s what other people are telling me and it’s a good idea. Making him sit with me for a couple of minutes to settle down. Thank you for the advise!
Accidents happen, and both my older kids have bumped into (and been hit by!) others in the park. (Watching your kid kick another kid in the face from the swings is always fun.) Unless he’s doing it on purpose and often, I think a “be careful” chat is all you need to worry about.
I can’t see how you could have done anything differently. You needed to see if something was actually happening, he apologized, you moved on…
There’s always next time.
My daughter likes to pitch a fit in the bookstore if she doesn’t get what she wants. Charming. It makes you feel like the worst parent in the worlds and the stares from others is a joy.
Nope, the behaviour isn’t something that you want but none of us are perfect.
The bookstore? That’s funny because Blake never behaves in the Vans shoe store because he claims he NEEDS a skateboard. It’s like, really? You’re two.
My boys apparently behave everywhere EXCEPT home. Maybe that’s a good thing… for everyone else, but home time is hell.
Oh, I’d rather he behave at home. Turn on Mickey Mouse and go in the other room for some peace and quiet!
My boys are very rambunctious. Sometimes I think they play to rough, sometimes other mom’s get upset and I understand. Sometimes I die, literally die of embarrassment.
Other times, they’re just being normal boys. Boys at a playground no less. I’ve bit my tongue a lot with overprotective mom’s. I’ve watched my boys do nothing only to have another child cry and tell on them. I stand up for them when I know I’m right. Give him another chance at the playplace-he’s normal.
I hate the helicopter moms, hovering around their children like they’re going to break. But geesh… that was three times in an hour and a half!
But you’re right. I’ve seen Blake barely brush by a kid only to see the kid cry to mommy.
That’s a difficult one. You are dead on in that you can’t discipline Blake if you didn’t see exactly what happened. He’s a young child. An active little boy. We expect kids his age to need to expend energy somehow. Devil’s Advocate, though? I’ve had similar experiences on the playground with my kiddos, and it’s hard to see your child pushed around. But we’ve taught our daughter to be assertive and tell the “offender” that it hurt and tell them that she didn’t like it. More often than not, the problem is solved with an “I’m sorry” and playing a different game together. Or daughter knows then to walk away if it continues. We, as parents, are only responsible for what OUR children do. Perhaps Blake is just rough and tumble, and at his age, hasn’t learned where the boundaries are yet. But as he matures, he will. It’s not your “fault” that other kids get accidentally bumped or hit. In my humble opinion.
Thank you for your support and advice. I seriously think that some of these moms need to settle down, but when I saw that little boy with a giant mark on his forehead, I was mortified!
I like how you’ve taught your kids to stand up for themselves.
Definitely a BULLY!!!!!!
love that kid….I was ALWAYS that mother who sat by herself at hockey games because I really didn’t care for people to know who my son was!!!! It was hard enough hearing them ask “who is that #00″? , yes that would be my son. OMG…they were not asking because he did something awesome either.
I almost strangled him outside the principals office at Elementary school because he looked at the principal at a parent / student / principal meeting and told her the yard duties were stupid and so was she , and then walked out with me still sitting looking at the principal. OMG yet again i wanted CALGON to take me away…..Or the time when the high school principal called me in to tell me that my son punched a kid in class and he was being suspended!!!! I knew this lady, OMG…CALGON you forgot about me again…He did have a great reason, he was sticking up for himself because the other kid kept walking by him and knocking his pencil off his desk during a test. That was determined after the 3 day suspension….But years later, now 30 years old, he fights his own battles, has a very professional job, and I couldn’t be more proud of him. So mothers, stand by your children, fight for them when they are right, discipline when needed, and let them know you will always be there for them…it works…love you Carri, your a great mom…
OMG. Blake is going to be a Randy. FML
oh i love this comment! as a mom of a toddler boy, it’s hard to see the big picture. this seems solid!
Both of her boys grew up to be good men. She knows what she’s talking about.
when it comes to rugrats and nonsense, i think it’s far more important how the parents react and discipline then how the child actually behaved. kids are kids, and they’re learning – all that matters to me is that someone is actually teaching.
unless the child has samurai sword and/or ninja skills – then I’d blame both. easily.
That would be rad if my kid had ninja skills.
Blake doesn’t sound like a bully. I have seen all my kids and almost every kid I know act agressive at one point or another. My son is 2.5 and gets very easily frustrated and acts out sometimes. Especially with his sisters! It does get to me and i try hard to redirect his energy but — i dont know — sometimes you are just limited by the fact that kids will do this
I think you handled it well. As in I would have done the same.
Blake does the same thing… he gets frustrated and will throw something or knock something over. I just think they don’t know how to handle it any other way. Thanks for your support!
For what it’s worth, I think Blake is just being a boy. Boys are boys. They run, they play fight, they even fight for real with their buddies but according to hubs “that’s what boys do”, they get in trouble sometimes, like to show off for their buddies and get carried away when they are on the go. I am sure that he wasn’t trying to target other children and it was an accident that happened because he was excited about running around with another little guy.
I wanted a boy and I suppose I got one, right?
He’s not a bully – they all go through this, and the bully thing doesn’t even really develop till much later (I’m thinking like 6 or 7). My guess is he heard the first kid say that he’d hit him and it became a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy…? We’ve ALL been there, even those of us who have girls!
I have girls so I really have no answer for you on this one. I hope it doesn’t happen again.
Oh lord…we’ve had our fair share of “awkward” moments like that. Especially with my BFF’s son. My Chunky doesn’t like to share. He’s very possessive. If you try to take things away from him, he gets very physical…shoving, hitting. It’s getting better though. I had to keep an eye out and just discipline when I saw it happening. A lot of the times it would be leaving the park or having to sit in time-out where ever we were.
This is a tough one.
He’s just a boy. I highly recommend reading Love and Logic for Toddlers. It will give you great ideas on how to handle this situation in the future to where you shouldn’t have to leave the park and still let him continue to play.
I think he’s just being a boy as well. Definitely doing right by explaining the rules before you go and enforcing them, but I don’t think he needs anger management or anything.
Okay so I’m a mom to THREE boys and I can tell you that he was just being a normal boy. He is two for heavens sakes. All he is thinking is “FREEDOM to run is SOOO much fun” or “Hey I met a new friend who likes to run just like I do”. He’s not thinking about the kid that is in his running path, he’s thinking about the path! And he is still exploring his surrounding and the people that are in it. Which means, he’s learning cause and effect. If I do this…that happens.
These mom’s need to chill out. Pretty soon it will be their sons doing the same things and then they are going to feel like a heal.
As for what to do with Blake. It’s all about repetition. Telling him the rules before you go to a play area or park. And explaining what happens if he breaks the rules. Over, and over, and over again!
Carri,
Blake doesn’t know what a bully is. Bully is an adult term that he doesn’t understand yet, so no, he’s not. He is a toddler and is still learning about appropriate behaviour and how to express himself.
Well my children don’t misbehave. They’re perfect. However, I have heard it said that some children do get overexcited, and whattya gonna do. They’re kids. I think you handled it beautifully, Carri. Come visit me, I got a great bouncy kingdom area we can take him to, and if he starts beating on the other patrons, we can hang him on a velcro wall. I believe this place serves beer too.
I haven’t had play area issues specifically, but there is a little boy who has been kissing on Maddie. Her teacher told him to push him out of the way, and she hauled off and double armed him.
I don’t know that she’s at an age where she (and she’s close to Blake’s age, so I think he falls into this too) fully grasp when to push, when not, when some kids are playing and others are not.
It obviously isn’t OK for Blake to hit another kid, BUT he might not quite be at the point where he fully *gets* that while he is playing chase and being wild, some of the kids in the same area are not.
Know what I mean?
NOT a bully AT ALL! Just still trying to categorize what behaviors and actions work for different times and different people. That takes a long time to do! Those mothers are being extremely irrational in my opinion. It’s easy to point blame when really what they should be doing is just trying to say hey no problem, I’ve been there. Also, I’m guessing he was over excited given the amount of kids and free space to enjoy – they lose their sense of what’s right and wrong – the little brains can’t process fast enough! He sounds like a perfectly fine little boy!
With handling him, I have found that reminders in the car on the way to a place like you described works best. Once you’re in there their attention is gonzo. So on the way I try to remind my boys what good choices are and what good behaviors are. Then if I do have to remind them later, it’s more fresh in their minds.
Don’t count him out yet. He’s young, and he’s a boy. I think boyish behaviors are nature, not nurture, and it’s no reflection on you as a mom, no matter how rudely other moms look at you. I’ve left places in tears because the girls were being crazy instead if sitting nicely like the other kids. Lucky for me, they get rambunctious with each other instead of other kids. I don’t think he’s a bully — he’ll learn to be a little more gentle with your coaching and continued outings.