I know I usually do Throat Punch on Thursday, but let’s just say I’m So Happy It’s Thursday tomorrow.
I started potty training Blake on Monday and I thought the 3 Day Potty Training Method would be a great idea (because I am an idiotic sadomasochist).
I could write on and on about how the 3 Day Potty Training Method requires you to chain your child to your leg and lock yourself up in the house for three.whole.days.
I could also write about how I was seriously considering lighting myself on fire and driving off a cliff so I wouldn’t have to spend another second cooped up in the house.
But I won’t.
I will spare you the details and fast forward to today, which should have been our third and final day of being locked up in the house. But it was not our third and final day of being locked up in the house. Instead, today was the second consecutive day of us heading over to my dad’s house to hang out.
Blake picked up on peeing in the potty right away, but pooping? Not so much. He has a definite “schedule”, so I wasn’t anticipating any poop action for another two hours when he sneaked around the corner and behind the deck.
He had JUST gone pee. He didn’t have a drop left in him. He likes to play trucks behind the deck. No biggie.
((ahem))
He was back there for two minutes tops when he ran back around the corner and announced, “MOMMY! Come look at my poop!!”
Uh… excuse me?!
“My poop, Mommy!! LOOK!!”
Surely, he spotted some dog poop and his thoughts were lost in translation.
His pants were clean.
He didn’t poop himself.
So, I followed him around the corner, where he excitedly pointed out his prize.
“It’s my POOP, Mommy!”
OMFG. My child pulled down his pants and dropped a giant deuce in the backyard.
Of course I immediately took him in the bathroom to clean his butt.
And after that, I immediately sent out a tweet. Of course.
“Blake just dropped a deuce in the yard because, you know. That’s what the dog does. FML.”
Yes, I tweeted the news to all of you guys before texting my husband:
“Guess who just took a crap right in the yard and said, Mommy look at my poop!”
I waited for a response.
One minute. Two minutes. Three. Four. Five.
Then I texted:
“I REPEAT: He took a shit in the middle of the yard then showed it to me. On the ground.”
Nothing.
“IT WAS ON THE GROUND.”
Then I thought, Eh, screw it. I’m going to just call him.
He was obviously trying to take a nap when I called.
Me: Did you get my texts?!?!?!
Ken: Um… no. I’m trying to sleep.
Me: OUR CHILD TOOK A GIANT CRAP IN THE BACKYARD.
Ken: He pooped his pants again?
Me: NO. He pulled down his pants AND TOOK A DUMP. On the ground.
Ken: Uh.. wait… what?
Me: He pulled down his pants AND TOOK A SHIT. In the backyard.
Ken: …
Me: On the groud, Ken. ON.THE.GROUND.
Ken: Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Me: Oh, sure. You think that’s so funny, don’t you? Real nice.
Ken then assured me that taking a random dump in the backyard is indeed funny enough to blog about. You can all thank him later.
Or not.
Awesome. Thankfully my children have not done this. Yet.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! seriously – laughing the whole way through this!!! *wiping tears* phew! fuh-uh-nny!!
thanks for playing along with So Happy It’s Thursday – loved it
Hilarious!!
But you know he is getting it. He knew not to go in his pants
Definitely blog worthy! I’m jealous you got this story!
I, however, have just written a post about anal hygiene…so our posts kind of go hand-in-hand. See, we’re always on the same brain wave!
Of course you wrote a post about anal hygiene. I wouldn’t expect anything less!
Um. Will you hate me if I say that I am lucky enough to have never dealt with this particular parenting issue?
Potty training is an adventure. Watch where you step!
Congratulations Blake!! And Carri!
The backyard is a start, right? It’s environmentally friendly too. #JustSayin
When Dallas taught John to pee outside he tried to poop outside too. At Dallas’ grandmother’s house. Lovely.
Kids are shitty.
HAHAHAHA Kids are shitty. Words to live by.
i want to know… did you just leave the shit there and blame it on the dog? thats totes what I would have done.
My dad was there so while I was doing the ass cleaning, my dad was doing the shit cleaning.
I agree- that was funny enough! Boys love going to the bathroom outside. My 3 y/o pooped in the yard, too. Just popped a squat and let it out right there!
Boys are gross. Even when they grow up.
Heh. You can’t get out of potty training without some backyard poop.
That’s what I’m learning. Apparently, I’m not the only one with a kid who enjoys being one with nature.
LOL. I love this. But he is making wonderful progress that’s for sure. lol. Your hubs is funny.
He really isn’t funny. I’m the funny one. He just laughs on que like I tell him to.
I’d LOVE to tell you that’ll be the LAST time he does that… but he’s not. He’s a dude. Watch him on the playground at the park… they don’t put sand in kitty litter boxes for nuthin’!!!!
OMG. So… avoid all parks?
My 8 month old son has recently started reaching down when I take the diaper off. I knew this was a day that would happen and I was ready for it.
But I was not ready for it on a day when he had a huge poopy diaper and he stuck his hand right in the poop!
Here I am trying to catch his poopy hand and hold his kicking legs!
Needless to say, I had to clip his fingernails….
WHY DO THEY DO THAT? They just want to reach down there and grab for something. Anything! So gross.
I read this last night on my phone after I got into bed (at 1:30 a.m.). Big mistake! I laughed so hard I almost woke up the hubby! Seriously, I ducked under the covers and tried to muffle my laughter. I know the bed was shaking. While I feel bad that you had to experience that, I’m glad you shared it with us. Every parent has had one of those moments with their child(ren). I’m just not awake enough to remember one from either of mine right now.
The bright side…I think he’s potty trained! *snicker*
Oh the joys of potty training. Awesome. My kid was afraid to shit on the pot. He had gone like 3 days without pooping, but wouldn’t sit on the pot and I wasn’t giving him a diaper. So he grabbed a paper plate and went out on the deck and took his shit there.
Kids.
Awesome blog fodder.
Now that? Is sofa king funny! ON A PLATE? Where do they come up with this stuff?
yes. seriously. no damn clue. and Mr. Kiss was Pissed! he’s like “that is so disgusting!” I said “then you’re potty training him and changing his ass every time he won’t go on the toilet”
You’re sure this 3 day potty training method was for people and not dogs right??
J/K
Our friends kid did the same thing, at a family party. It was pretty funny. For us at least.
Now that is funny. I’m sure the parents were mortified.
Oh wow…the things kids will do…LOL he’s like the dog does it why can’t I? Wow is all I have to say.
I hate potty training with a vengeance. It is absolutely the worst. But I have to say, at least he pooped on the ground and not in his undies. That wouldn’t have been nearly as funny! (And I have to agree with your husband. Definitely funny enough to blog about!)
I gotta agree with Ken on this one.
Thats hilarious!
The child is smart. If the dog can do it why can’t he?
Aww, what a memory! You will always have this moment in Blake’s life to cherish and re-tell. A story you could possibly hang over his head when he’s a teenager like maybe threatening to tell his girlfriend if he doesn’t clean his room RIGHT now! LOL
Exactly.
Hahaha! At least it gave you some awesome blog fodder!
Impressive! I hate to tell you that you’re gonna have to stick around the house for a while to avoid a lot of frustration. We went naked waist down for a couple weeks and barely went anywhere. Underwear just made them think they had a diaper on. But I’m also used to not getting out much with them.
No grass in my backyard. Now I’m grateful
hahahahahaha!!!!! I love Ken’s delayed response!
A poop story is always worth interrupting a nap for!
That is great!! I had tears running down my face. I couldn’t help telling my hubs the story. He said that was the funniest shit he’s heard all day. At least it wasn’t in his pants. He’s picking up on the potty training. Good job mom.
The funniest shit he’s heard all day… no pun intended, right?
Laughed my ass off reading this. Sorry for you (and what’s up with hubby sleeping on the job in the middle of the day?!!) but grateful for the gift of laughter. Potty training is AWFUL. My son used to poop in his pants and was not even disgusted (or bothered) enough by it to TELL ME. Nice. Real nice. In another year I get to do the potty training again with the little one. Hold me.
My husband works out of town all week so he missed the joys of potty training. When I called him, he’d been off work for about an hour. Kids are so gross! LOL
OMG. My kid did this two weeks ago. I really thought it was just my kid. AND My husband laughed too when he did it. I on the other hand was completely disgusted. I officially have declared potty training as an impossible task. Pretty sure my kid will be shitting his pants when he enters kindergarten. Gross.
now THAT was outstanding!
It wasnt too long ago that i had to go thru that with my son.
thankfully, we all managed to keep our poop INDOORS…
Oh don’t worry. He pooped on the carpet yesterday. The new carpet.
They conspire to make life as difficult as possible, I’m sure. Bribery worked for both of my kids, quite well I might add. “No B, Hulk is only for boys who pee AND poop in the toilet.” After two weeks of eyeballing Hulk on the bathroom counter he decided it was time and hasn’t had an issue since.
GOOD LUCK!!
Kim
I have M&Ms and trucks for bribery. They worked really well in the pee department but poop? Nope.
Can I borrow him so he can show my wiener dog what to do? Little bastard keeps crapping in the kitchen.
I say you have a smart kid there. He’s conserving water and fertilizing your grass. Not to mention giving you something blog about!
We had to encourage our guy to take a poo outside when we were camping. Hopefully, he won’t now think that is ok in our yard…
LOL, I am so happy my youngest hasn’t done this yet. We started potty training about a month ago. Our problem is he loves the fact that he can aim and hit things with his pee. The other day my two youngest decided to have a pee contest to see who could pee the furtherest. I didn’t know whether to laugh or send them to their rooms.
Hilarious! Sounds to me like he’s getting the hang of potty training just fine! LOL
Well, the next day he did it on the carpet.