Lil Wayne and I seem like we’d be the perfect dynamic duo, but I’ve got news for you: We don’t have a whole lot in common.
10. I rep the West Coast. New York? Never been there. Would I love to spend our entire savings in the five story Nordstrom? Of course. Otherwise, I’m not interested.
9. My instincts tell me to avoid people with face tattoos.
Take a look at this picture.
What are your instincts telling you? Probably the same thing mine tell me when I see someone with face tattoos.
8. I’m not down with the chronic or illegal gun possession, which leads us to…
7. I’d never make it in the clink. You think I’m all hard core like Martha Stewart? Think again. I wonder what my mug shot would look like after a wild night of partying? Probably like this.
Yeah, not exactly my best look.
6. The Chevy can’t keep up with his Lambo. My truck was made to pull a horse trailer. It was not made to weave through traffic while dodging the po po. And seriously. How would my entourage fit in a Silverado? And how many times do you think I’d have to yell, “Jay-Z! Feet off the Britax! That shiz was expensive!”
Maybe I don’t need a Lambo for my entourage. I mean, Blake and I raise the roof in the Silverado all the time.
5. I can’t understand what the hell he’s saying. Look at this purse.
Do you think between the diapers, makeup, snacks and Target receipts I’d have room for an Urban Dictionary? And besides, I highly doubt he has a “White Girl from Ventura County” Dictionary.
4. I can’t afford to make it rain unless the hos in “Da Dlub” are cool with Monopoly money. Or real rain in the form of water from a bucket or OMG! Confetti! How cool would confetti be, you guys?!?!
Something tells me the hos in “Da Club” aren’t OK with Monopoly Money. Or confetti. Which is stupid because everyone should love confetti.
3. He’s friends with that super annoying Kanye West. And who wants Kanye tweeting about them? Not this girl. Shut your face, Kanye West.
2. He says you ain’t trickin’ if you got it, but I don’t know what “it” is. So unless “it” is a super awesome personality, an unusually large flip flop collection, or the desire to do nothing but Facebook all day, chances are I don’t have whatever “it” is.
1. His music sucks. I could have begun and ended with this, but Mama Kat wanted 10 reasons. And what Mama Kat wants, Mama Kat gets.
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